Luminescence

Kingdom Hearts Wiki usernames shall be used.

TroisNyxÉtienne : Whatcha up to ?
Anti-ant : nuffin much just chillin
TroisNyxÉtienne : Mm.
Anti-ant : i found tt im not supposed to be alive
TroisNyxÉtienne : ?
Anti-ant : yea. isnt tt something ?
TroisNyxÉtienne : Not supposed to be alive ??
Anti-ant : i found out tt i almost drowned more than once, and then i got ran over by a motorcycle, got hit in the head with a bowling ball
TroisNyxÉtienne : That'd mean you're SUPPOSED to be alive - every attempt at taking your life was unsuccessful
Anti-ant : and got my head slammed through glass. yea but tts cuz i got lucky. but i almost drowned 3 times
TroisNyxÉtienne : You can't get lucky more than once, can you ?
Anti-ant : yes
TroisNyxÉtienne : So
Anti-ant : i drowned 3 times
TroisNyxÉtienne : And you came out alive.
Anti-ant : i got shot in the neck by a be be gun. ETA : yea i guess
TroisNyxÉtienne : And you came out alive. So that could only mean that you're SUPPOSED to be alive. Nothing else can take you away. No one else. Only the one person up there.
Anti-ant : tts not how it’s been looking so far. i got my ribs stomped in too, so i ve heart problems now
TroisNyxÉtienne : Yep, but think again :
Anti-ant : yea but tts wt would’ve killed me and its like it made me weaker
TroisNyxÉtienne : think about the number of people who could look up to you for all those things
Anti-ant : nobody
TroisNyxÉtienne : You're alive because of THAT. I frequently say…
Anti-ant : cause no one ever really talks to me
TroisNyxÉtienne : …that no one would ever listen to me because thus far, no one ever has.
Anti-ant : exactly. tts how it is with me
TroisNyxÉtienne : But you never know what's bound to happen in the span of a day, let alone a week
Anti-ant : yea i guess
TroisNyxÉtienne : I never knew I was going to have to chide you like this ! So if you feel the walls are closing on you and you look at life and see how it sucks...
Anti-ant : but it’s been about the whole school year and barely anyone's said anything to me
TroisNyxÉtienne : Well, I practically got rejected in college after 1 1/2 years
Anti-ant : i dont really have a choice but to look at a dreary wall
TroisNyxÉtienne : Same here, but I'm going on
Anti-ant : why ? i try to go on but they keep bringin me down
TroisNyxÉtienne : You know what I tell myself everyday ? Even if I don't feel like it ?
Anti-ant : wt?
TroisNyxÉtienne : I've got a life to live. I have a reason to be here.
Anti-ant : yea
TroisNyxÉtienne : And even if people don't listen to me now, the time will come when they will. Only a few people in the world walk the talk about who they are and what they want to be
Anti-ant : i hope the same goes for me
TroisNyxÉtienne : It will.
Anti-ant : i guess so
TroisNyxÉtienne : It's a question of how strong we both are
Anti-ant : yea. i hope it will.
TroisNyxÉtienne : Okay, give yourself a challenge (the same will apply to me too): for the next three months, I know it's gonna be difficult to find yourself. But whenever you have the chance to reach out to someone, do it.
Anti-ant : ok
TroisNyxÉtienne : I'm going to do the same, when I go for my National Service.
Anti-ant : I’ll keep tt in mind
TroisNyxÉtienne : Then, at the end of 3 months, tell me how it all went. I'll tell you my side of the story and believe me…
Anti-ant : but then the people in my school most of them are my enemies, to say the least
TroisNyxÉtienne : …there might not be much difference between both our stories. Well, it's just as bad over here. Not to mention that I'm dealing with 94% of Malaysians who can't change their minds about things
Anti-ant : but i try to be nice to them no matter wt but they make it tougher and tougher for me
TroisNyxÉtienne : Ya gotta try
Anti-ant : yea but we try to help them cause we’re nice, but some things just can’t be helped
TroisNyxÉtienne : I could easily whimper if the same thing happens to me, can I not ? The same thing has happened to me : I've been used by lots of people. But there are still some hearts we can move. If not all people can be moved, try some
Anti-ant : yea i guess so
TroisNyxÉtienne : And believe me, those few people you help are the people who might just as well remember you for the rest of their lives. I'm trying to give myself hope too. These past few days - weeks, in fact, have been very dreary.
Anti-ant : yea. same for me
TroisNyxÉtienne : And this, is the product of depression : (post was removed) We won't wanna go living like this all the time, would we ? You're misunderstood. So am I. And I'm not saying it's easy to go on, because I know it isn't. The very challenge right in front of us is learning how to live

He read the post and…

Anti-ant : yea… hey, tnx for helping me out. i feel better now
TroisNyxÉtienne : Don't mention it. That's the least I can do.
Anti-ant : ur the best
TroisNyxÉtienne : ::hug:: you rock too. See, I never thought of it this way, but He gives me strange occasions where I can move people, like now. The same might happen with you too ?


At a time when all seemed to have been lost, at a time when I was giving up hope, there came an occasion where I had to cheer somebody up. Somewhere, someone needs some reassurance, and in this case, it was a friend of mine.

Our lives have depressions. Some could be extreme. But how do we live after that ?

I praise and thank the Lord for giving me this wonderful opportunity to give this friend (and myself) some hope to carry on when things seem so bleak ahead of us.

Chemical composition

My physique is Aryan.
My tongue is Dravidian.
My soul is French.
My legal views are English.

My heart is Malaysian.
And that’s all that matters.

No Malaysian shall question me about my allegiance, or my patriotism. Because as much as I turn to different influences to gather ideas, as much as I base my viewpoints with Gallic flair, I still do it so that one day, my compatriots will be proud to have someone like me around.

A really great way to put dreams together.

I want to be a recording artiste and songwriter, and allow my knowledge in law to make us in the know of the law here, as well as to speak about justice in a way no one has ever used before.

Two of my friends want to be video game designers.

Another one wants to open a production house.

And here I was, thinking of this very wild dream :

Why not hold everything together into one single production house, and call it La Maison TNE ?

There, we wouldn't have copyright issues over theme songs anymore, and because both departments focus on creativity, ideas can be transferred from one department to the other. Also, when, say, there's an upcoming concert, we can join our ideas together ! Video games aren't just about battle systems - they're also about aesthetic ideas. I can let them do the credits and the extra bits, for example.

I'll talk to these partners about La Maison TNE. It is true that we're not gonna start off smooth sailing : the entertainment industry over here is an oligopoly - there are a few key players dominating the scene, and with them, money talks. The only company which has been able to break through thus far is Les Copaque Productions, because of their impressive CGI rendering, and they are now the rising stars in the market. Over here in La Maison TNE, we are problem children.

Deep down in my heart, I know, that if there's one person to overcome the likes of Nobuo Uematsu, Yoko Shimomura, Laurent Boutonnat, Jean-Pierre Pilot and Andrew Lloyd Webber, it's me. And if there's one company to be among the likes of Square-Enix, it's gotta be La Maison TNE. I dream of writing, performing on stage and releasing singles/albums alongside this, and being able to have a say in the creative process. I yearn for the implementation of constant improvement, and I want to make it such that all who participate in La Maison TNE enjoy their work.

I will be the epitome of the Boleh spirit.

It's a wild dream, but by the grace of God, it will happen.

Meanwhile, I've shared my audio drafts with quite a few people, and that's one way I'm using to gain support from the people around me, near and far. I've even let my friends on board Kingdom Hearts Wiki listen to them. Also, I'm contemplating making a name for myself during the soirée à la française on May 23rd : I'll make a cover of a song of my choice (I'm yet to choose, and tomorrow is already the 1st of May)... and I pray God that He may give me the courage to get up there, as well as the humility.

Toi qui n’as pas su me reconnaître…

Quoting some words of comfort from a friend :

"Fine, so you mentioned their names. And so ? You didn't mean any harm to them, and that's what matters. In life, you can't please everyone. If there are people who don't understand and accept you for what you truly are, even if you've made mistakes like, three or four times, they don't deserve to be called your friends. They don't deserve to obtain your respect. Let go !"

Well, I can't possibly let go of the situation entirely, but it has helped make my conscience clearer. I truly did not mean any harm. Now, I have discovered the true purpose of blogging, and placing it in public, all thanks to that friend of mine : people go in and out reading the information and the ramblings that are contained within it. Being a blog, it has to be an opinionated recount of things. Anything, for that matter, is an opinionated account of things ! And if people can't see through the thoughts that run in my head, the stream of consciousness that springs forth, then they will most likely retaliate. And when they do this, they do not understand me.

It is through troisnyx* officiel that I have discerned for myself who my real friends are.

On another note, another friend has celebrated her birthday. I hope it's not too late to wish her... Happy and blessed birthday to you, ma petite. If you must part ways with me, then I guess, you do this for your own good, although I'd be even happier if we could walk side by side once more. Farewell.

Take away all the depressing bits, and we have...

Life's been pretty mundane lately. Perhaps I've nothing to talk about. All I do know is that sooner or later, I'll have to e-mail DK and ask Fabienne Ricordel about what I can do for the Francophonie celebrations, which are from the 1st to the 5th of April... Maybe that might keep my spirits up, even if those people at the French Embassy are said to be a complacent lot. (I said "said to be" based on hearsay, although I'm sure there's some greater good in those people.)

On another note, remember the promo I did for KHLegacy - our fan sequel to Kingdom Hearts ?

The white, tiled Kingdom Hearts II logos and the Roxas (Drammatica) theme were too depressing. Now that I finally received my administrative powers, I went to the site editor and revamped the layout. Now, it's fresh, it's black, blue and white, with memories of Riku and Kairi gracing the pages (the Oathkeeper and Oblivion Keyblades), and an edit of Neverland Sky (Drammatica) is the background music.

When I looked at the final result, I smiled to myself.

Siegfried and I had a chat before I turned in to bed.

troisnyx* : Hey, I just revamped KHLegacy. It's fresh, black, blue and white ! And plus, it makes me smile. Wanna take a look ?

I assumed he did take a look, because he was rather pleased with the result.

Siegfried : Looks great ! Fresh theme music, by the way. I was getting sad of hearing that (Roxas) theme over and over again. What is this, the Neverland Clock Tower background music, orchestrated ?
troisnyx* : Yes - it was actually an edit of Yoko Shimomura's "Twinkle Twinkle Holidays" from the Drammatica album. The track originally comprised "Happy Holidays" and "Neverland Sky". A YouTube user cut out the "Happy Holidays" part and looped the "Neverland Sky" sound so that it'd sound like this. Fresh, eh ? At least I have a reason to smile.

Well, I just hope the other members smile when they see this...

That partly explains my purpose in life : I search for happiness, love and excitement - and not only that : if I do find excitement, I love sharing it with other people. When others are happy, I'm happy.

In class with DK, in perfect ministering

It was like all those other Thursdays I have lived ever since March 2004. I had class with DK. And today, during my grammar exercises, we talked about the Datukship. For starters (and non-Malaysians), "Datuk" is an honorary title bestowed upon someone who has greatly contributed to the country, just like "Sir" is to the British.

So anyway. DK and I talked. He seemed kinda fascinated by the idea of getting such a title...... Here's the translated version of what we said (the French version can be found on Jeunesse) :

DK : It must be fun receiving a Datukship, eh. Everyone respects you. And imagine if I were to receive the title. "Datuk Daniel." Heh, sounds nice, I'd say !
troisnyx* : You tyke. If I were you, I wouldn't even contemplate getting such a title.
DK : What, you don't even want to be recognised and stuff ?
troisnyx* : Even if it means remaining as I am without the extra honour, no.
DK : You're weird. Anyway, tell me. Why ?
troisnyx* : Haven't you read the papers somewhere around last year ? It was reported that for every 1000 people, there is a Datuk. So they aren't few and far between.
DK : So, now that the population here is 27 million, there'll be..... 27 000 Datuks ??
troisnyx* : Exactly. And you and I notice this and know this full well : some of them just don't deserve the title.
DK : Well, you could always prove yourself worthy of the title... can't you ?
troisnyx* : No. Here's another thought : for the most of us, we're a rather complacent lot. Be it Datuk, Datuk Sri, Tan Sri or even the highest of titles - Tun - if one receives a title, there we go - all the work is just left behind. Most of us would bask in the glory, respect, recognition and money which come with it. Surely there are exceptions to the general rule, but I can't be like them. I'm only a humble servant of the world. My mission of restoring justice to Malaysia, my mission of reuniting people all over the world with my music, these will only end when my life ends. And as long as I live, I'll never accept a title. This is my promise.

And with that, the vow was made.

I believe that a vow, no matter where it is made, is sacred. Whether it is made in church, or at home, or even in college, we are doing it in the presence of God, because He is omnipresent. Well of course, doing it in church heightens the sacredness of a vow. I made my vow not to receive titles like these at home. I must keep this covenant for as long as I live. If anyone tells me I'm weird because of this vow, I'm proud of it. Why should I conform to the traits of this world, when I know a better recompense is waiting for me up there ?

Well, that must've talked some sense into DK. He finally gave in. For once.

Trouble in the "courtroom"

Today's scene in Contract class was exciting. What Ms Meera did was this : she gave us an existing case, Williams v Roffey Bros., without the arguments, without the ratio decidendi, without anything the advocates brought forward, not even the defences - just the facts of the case. That was all.

Within just a few minutes, we had to debate it in class like lawyers and even call our dear lecturer "Your Honour !"

Now, for starters who don't understand what's in that Wikipedia page containing the facts of the case, here are the facts in simplified English :

Suppose a landlord, who has this huge plot of land, decides to hire a bunch of contractors (Roffey Bros.) to build a block of flats. They accept the contract and sign it, and start the work. In the contract is a penalty clause : if they fail to complete the work on time, for every day that they are overdue, they have to pay the landlord a sum of money.

Now, Roffey Bros. get to work and they discover that they can't handle too many things at one time - lighting, electrical works, plumbing, tiling, carpentry. So they subcontract the carpentry to another bunch of contractors (Williams). Those subcontractors get to work, albeit at a snail's pace. Roffey Bros. are already panicking. So, to actually persuade Williams to finish the work on time, they promise a sum of money.

Williams, now motivated by the reward, goes to the extra length of recruiting more workers (part-timers, I presume) to finish up the job. And they don't finish it on time. They finish it RATHER EARLY - about like, say, ten days before the deadline. The contractors at Williams approach the contractors at Roffey Bros. and ask for the money. Roffey Bros. refuses to pay Williams because according to them, "they only did what they were contractually bound to do."

The question here is this : were they doing just that, or were they doing more ?

Here, we had to debate from scratch : our own defences/arguments were brought in.

I had to take the role of the "prosecutor"and defend Williams by saying that they were actually doing more than they should've done. While the defence "lawyer" (well, we aren't lawyers yet) spoke with such professionalism, I threw all professionalism aside and with so much emotion, hammered the defence "lawyer" :

troisnyx* : Okay. Guys. Listen up. You contracted my client the job, and you know full well that you had a penalty clause.
Defence : But the penalty clause is out of the contra-----
troisnyx* : Wait. If you would let me finish.

And after this point, my voice mounted with every word.

troisnyx* : You put your trust in Williams hoping that they would get the case done on time, and when they didn't, you didn't just fire them and hire other contractors for fear of the cost. And you even went to the extent of promising my client a five-figure sum of money just to get the work done on time ! For crying out loud, do you know the hassle my client had to go through just to summon the extra workers and to get the job done early ? Regardless of whether the penalty clause is included in the contract between Williams and Roffey Bros., he has suffered a detriment while you creeps are enjoying the benefit by not having to pay any sum of money to your landlord. Where, then, is the benefit we get in return ? Where, then, is the detriment that you suffered ? Tell me, WHERE ?!

I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I was breathing heavily. My side of the class (as well as those on the side of the "defence" who are close to me) clapped and cheered.

Ultimately, we won. And in the real facts of the case, Williams did win the court proceedings and were entitled to the money promised by Roffey Bros. About the part which talks about "benefit" and "detriment", "benefit" refers to something a party gains while "detriment" is something lost by a party. So in a contract, both parties have to have a benefit and a detriment. I knew from the very beginning that it was a lop-sided contract, and the loophole in the law led me to win this case.

The new girl in class, who was sitting next to me - Nithya - she noticed immediately that there were people against me. I felt uncomfortable and I decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with Ms Meera. Alone. I went to the lecturers' room on the second floor to meet her. And there she was. I wept. But gosh, am I glad that she understood me !

Now, I can really bash DK up if he labels me "eccentric" in tomorrow's class.

It is true that I am emotional and temperamental, no doubt, and I have a constant need to express myself. I may be eccentric - but only at home and with the company of friends - just because I want to make myself feel happy. I used to doubt my personality before, but not anymore.

They say a lack of professionalism is the one thing that won't get me far. They're wrong. And if they say I don't have intrinsic qualities, I know they're wrong too.

The thing about me is that behind these emotions, I have a sense of justice. I don't have to tell anyone this. People have remarked about my simplicity, my sincerity in doing things. All these will get me far - because I do not wish to be like quite a large number of advocates, whose main purpose is to earn more, and that's it. For me, I stand for justice, and hard as it may seem, if that person is bound to lose in court due to judicial precedent, I'm going to make that person save his money and deter him from actually going to court. That sense of justice was made clear when I lost my cool in the "courtroom" and bashed the defence "lawyer" for defending an unjust cause.

I personally look up to Robert Badinter - he is the lawyer behind the abolition of the death penalty in France. His struggle and his voice against revenge and unfair condemnation to the gallows really intrigue me. I spoke in the same tone, with the same emotion as he did in his speech celebrating the permanent removal of the death penalty. Only that at the end of it all, he wasn't breathing heavily - I was.

If Badinter can cause such an impact and inspire others when it comes to the defending of human rights, let me tell everyone in the face now that he didn't do it out of professionalism. He didn't do it because he wanted to earn more. Neither did he do it because he had good rhetoric. He had (and still has) an overwhelming sense of justice, and that's what makes all the difference. DK looks up to Badinter as well (what the hell, he is the law icon of France anyway), but he fails to see the similarity between him and me.

If Badinter can move many hearts around the world, especially the hearts of budding lawyers, with this act and this dedication, I believe I can do the same.

I rest my case.

I dare to be great

Taken from Tyler Hurst's blog :

There has never been a better time to dare to be great. What the hell more have we to lose? The economy is terrible, business as we know it is falling apart...

Pick something. Pick something you’re good at, pick something that makes you feel good, pick something you WANT to be good at and DO it.

We are limited only by our imaginations. Let’s make magic.
What do you want to do with it?

Ever since the previous Thursday's episode with DK, I felt so down. Demotivated. I had never filled myself with self-pity but while some of his accusations may be true, he himself is a tyke. A tyke with no proper belief of his own.

I'm not gonna just rush there and say, "Here I am ! Take me !" because they're not gonna take me that easily. I know the Lord is with me, and with Him I can do anything. And I know I will live my dream of beocming an acclaimed singer-songwriter. I have the capability. No one but the Lord can tell me what to do with it.

There are other things placed in front of me that I have to accomplish too - and the Lord tells me that all these things, if affronted, will make me stronger. That, I will do.

I have prayed about the Charité album project and I’m still praying. I want to get this show on the road this year, and I will do anything to see to its success. I know the hurdles ahead but I'm not gonna shy away from them. I have a mission, and I want to accomplish it.

I'm not gonna take the right road to extreme light or the left road to extreme darkness.

I'm gonna take the middle road. The road to dawn.




And on this Federal Territories Day, I'm making a pledge :

I'm not turning back.

Chansons sans frontières (or, Songs without borders)

Un jour, je serai radieuse.
Un jour, je serai parmi les plus grands.
Je crois qu’être excentrique, c’est une partie de ce que je suis.
Et mes émotions sont importantes pour mon développement.
Je vais faire mes preuves dans ce concours.

Chansons sans Frontières.

Je vais y laisser ma trace.

Someday, I will be radiant.
Someday, I’ll be among the greatest.
I believe that being eccentric is a part of who I am.
And my emotions are important for my development.
I will prove myself in this competition.

Chansons sans Frontières – Songs without Borders.

I will leave my mark there.

I had a tiff with a user over one measly line

It was on the Kingdom Hearts Wiki. The character in question was Zexion.

Yes, and you could imagine how trivial the tiff was.



The line according to Kingdom Hearts : Re : Chain of Memories (as you can see at 0:34) is "Don't I even warrant a hello, Lexaeus ?"

Now, the line was placed in the article as "Don't I even get a hello, Lexaeus ?" - the 2004 Game Boy Advance version of the game. I thought it would do no harm to update that line, considering that Re : Chain was released in English about a month ago. And so, I did. I changed the word "get" to "warrant", just as it would sound in Re : Chain.

Some hours later, I received an e-mail : the Zexion page had been changed. I went to take a look, and the line had been reverted to "Don't I even get a hello". I thought, maybe this person might not have been aware of the change. So I changed it back to "Don't I even warrant a hello, Lexaeus ?"

Again, within a few hours, the line was reverted.

I changed.

Another user reverted.

And this went on for days !

I went to the Zexion talk page, where people were discussing his character etc., etc., etc. and I put a notice linking to the video, as well as the ORIGINAL Re : Chain line. And soon enough, I found out who had been reverting Zexion's line to "Don't I even get a hello" - so, not to create commotion, I thought I'd confront that person personally. All I did was type a question. The user didn't have the decency to reply me or to even post a message on my talk page - he just removed all that I typed - markup and text and everything that came with it.

(By the way, my talk bubbles are yellow, they have an image of Larxene on the side, and they're signed Troisnyxetienne.)

Looks like now, the issue's been resolved. The Admins are now taking care of that page.

Here's a thought : I come across all types of users - nice ones, snobbish ones, users with language issues (grammar and expletives), but that's all none, I suppose. I especially cannot tolerate people with attitude problems and people who say I have attitude problems - because I know I don't have any. And when I confront someone, I usually do it calmly. If anyone gives me harshness when I give him/her a calm confrontation, I have no regards for that person.

And I believe that by saying this, I make myself clear.

More like "have to" than "want to"...

This was more like a cold hard stare of “have to” rather than a “want to” ! This tag came from Jolynn. And below are the rules :

* Share 7 facts about yourself.
* Tell 7 unspectacular quirks of yours.
* Tag 7 people, their links and a comment for each blogger.

FACTS
1. I’m a devout Catholic, and I’m absolutely open to interreligious discussion and prayer – like what we used to have in our yesteryears.

2. I have a passion for music. I’ve been singing for as long as I can remember, and I play the piano and the drums. My musical dream takes greater importance than my legal qualification, and it'd be a great insult to me if I fail to live that dream of mine.

3. I’m unafraid of voicing out my opinions – that too, if I know that the crowd I’m talking to is open-minded enough. This explains why I’m far more explicit in my content in the French version of troisnyx* officiel.

4. I still think that Windows XP is the best operating system ever sold. =)

5. I have two irrational fears – one is a fear of cockroaches (speaking of which, there was a huge one in the bathroom today). The other is a fear of being rejected and ridiculed. That came about because of the kind of rejection I faced when in Year 1, and during my first two years of catechism.

6. I look at myself – body, heart and soul, and whenever I assess myself, I notice that I have the body and soul of a Malaysian, but the heart of a Frenchwoman.

7. I lost my mother last year and two siblings back when I was younger. I loved my mother deeply. I never got around to telling many people but I know that those who are close to me do know how much I loved her. And had she been here, she’d have lifted me out of my sorrow and helped me live my dream…

Okay, off my soapbox now, let’s head on to my unspectacular quirks.
1. My favourite games are those from the Kingdom Hearts Series, Jak II and Jak 3. As the first Kingdom Hearts put so much of emphasis on Sora battling the darkness, I used to be so afraid of the dark (in case a Heartless with yellow beady eyes sprung out at me !).

2. Not very long ago, my language (especially French) was verging towards vulgarity – no thanks to the cutscenes in Jak II and Jak 3, which I played in French. I think while I was doing my spoken B2 (the exam before the C1), the examiners noticed it - and maybe it was because of this that I didn't do particularly well.

3. While the rest of the class is talking about Flo Rida or Chris Brown or some other Billboard class act, I sit alone and listen to Alizée, Mylène Farmer and Zazie.

4. Prior to the 12th of April last year (when I got my drum kit), I used to drum on pillows – not on hard surfaces, for fear that people would start throwing insults at me. I had that habit of drumming on pillows ever since I was three. The sound of the pillows was rather soft, but bass-toned (I’d say), and whenever I was in dire need of music, I’d just tap on the pillow. Well… I still do it now, but not as often as I used to do it – I only do so when it’s late at night and I risk waking people up if I play the drums.

5. I have a sleek Seagate hard drive, 320GB… which isn’t working on my poor desktop PC. What’s the use of a goddamned hard drive with all that memory when this pint-sized PC can’t even power it up ? =(

6. My alter ego (whom I thought of immortalising on paper, in a story) is a sun-tanned, brown-haired, half-French girl named Aimée Duchemin.

7. Prior to using Blogger, I used to write my posts on Windows Live Spaces. And I treasured that space like gold ! The downside of it all was this – I couldn’t customise that space using CSS, and I couldn’t backdate posts, and I had separate journals for lyrics and life. It was in October last year that I started unifying everything right here, on troisnyx* officiel. Some time later, I became disturbed by the things that were happening, and I also found some new ideas for posts – which, if written in English, would cause the closure of troisnyx* officiel and my imprisonment in ISA – and so the new troisnyx* officiel was formed today.

Who shall I pick to do the tag ?

Let’s see……

(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)
(fill in the blank.)

I'm too lazy to tag anyone, let alone leave a comment.

Whatever happened to the star system ?

This article is a lament over the dismal state of entertainment. For those of you who are with me on this one, be prepared : it’s going to be a lengthy read.

Just a few moments ago, Narin asked me to watch the interview with Shah Rukh Khan on AlJazeera. I was quite impressed by the interview, but I was especially impressed with one of Shah Rukh Khan’s responses – something about the star system, and how it is business-related. He mentioned ; films from some great filmmaking countries – England and France in particular – have dwindled primarily because the star system is gone. Narin countered me, saying that it all had to do with demand. Shah Rukh Khan even continued by saying that it is through this star system that people in the performing arts are given an elevated status, and it is this elevated status that keeps the industry running.

I find a lot of sense in Shah Rukh Khan’s words. What happened to the star system ? Same goes for music – where is that zest the people are looking for ? (I won’t be mentioning films a lot here because my domain is music.) When we look at the hub of showbiz – take the United States – the average, chart-topping recording artiste records one album in the span of one year (or perhaps, 1.5 years). Britney Spears’ album “Blackout” was released in 2007 and a later album, “Circus”, was released in 2008. And many stars over there are given the demi-god status (not that they’re God, it’s just… they are elevated) ! The recording process takes place almost immediately after the talent search series are over because new talents are hunted down by recording studios and treated like gold. David Archuleta released his début album towards the end of 2008 (when we know full well that American Idol stretched from the beginning of the year to mid-May) !

In France (because I keep track of French pop as well) the number of performers who are given this elevated position are few and far between, and without this elevation, will they record ever so frequently ? No ! Mylène Farmer is an exception – she has already released several albums over the span of her career, and between each album is a time frame of two years (yeah, well, it defers slightly from the average, but it is still acceptable, and practically everyone around me knows Farmer by her red bouffant hairstyle and her ability to hit the really high notes). My other two favourites, possibly among the “favourite list” of French-speakers all over, Alizée and Zazie, might not have been given this elevation – or have they ? It’s saddening to note that while their potential and their star quality are there, they release a new album once in three years. That’s a bit too long for our liking.

Even the Japanese and Korean markets seem to be doing way better, with all that buzz over J-pop and K-pop. TVXQ, the Korean vocal group, staged their concert in KL towards the end of 2007 and even if I wasn’t there, I could already sense it – the throng of fans and spectators gathering just to hear their voices ! Everyone seems to know other names – FT Island, Rain (K-pop), Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, Yui, Angela Aki, News (J-pop), and the list is endless.

Now, Malaysia comes into the picture.

Because this is my home.

And it is Malaysia’s music industry that draws my concern. Oh, my heart aches.

To this very day, hardly anyone knows Malaysian artistes by the tips of his fingers. Perhaps Siti Nurhaliza, Jaclyn Victor and Too Phat, and to a certain extent, Pop Shuvit, are given international recognition – of course, Siti’s recognition was spurred by her performance at the Royal Albert Hall in London some years back. (And to be honest, when I mentioned Pop Shuvit in front of Narin, she asked me, “Who on earth is Pop Shuvit ?”) Otherwise, many bona fide talents just remain home, and I daresay, many people in the entertainment industry lack talent too. The way I oversee our music industry, the truly talented ones are coming in, no doubt, but we seem to be a dying breed. Not much emphasis is given to our home-grown artistes. If we turn on the radio – particularly the English radio stations, we hear what’s on Billboard – mainly artistes from the United States and the United Kingdom, and many people notice that many of these "hits" lack musicality, and are often dismissed as junk. Over here, in my beloved home, some names surface for a while and then disappear ! Some names stay, but within a small market – ours. I haven’t seen any spectacular breakthroughs yet !

Are we just happy doing it here alone, or are we afraid to break out of our shells and touch others’ hearts, in other places in the world, regardless of language or culture ? Are we too afraid of constraints and restraints from the huge shadow which is overcast on us all ? Oh pitié, where is the star system ? And if there is one, justify it.

Sooner or later, I’ll take the task of providing proper entertainment upon myself – there is good entertainment if we know where to find it. It can come from an unknown area in the world, but if it is good, there’re no second thoughts about it. There needs to be a revival where music is concerned.

And I, troisnyx*, pledge to contribute to this revival ; and if I don’t have the chance to do it within my lifetime, then it is a life not worth living.

The artist is a joker

I guess when he wrote these words, Ben Vautier really meant what he wrote.

Same might apply to me.

I'm an artist by nature, I think in pictures, I colour my Business and Literature books until you can see nothing but colour, and whenever words strike my heart through I think of music to go with it, and I'm a role-playing game afficionado who takes pity on the lead characters of the game. And people have every right to laugh at me for having ideas which are too humongous, too eccentric for my age. Yes. I'm a joker. Not the kind of joker that makes myself laugh. I'm the kind who makes people laugh at me. What shall an artist like me do for the people around me to stop laughing and start listening and being touched ? That, only time will tell.

troisnyx* dit :

let 'em take me for who I am.

as far as I'm doing it peacefully,

and as far as I don't mean any harm to anyone,

why should they speak against the way I am ?

que veut dire troisnyx* ?

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore.You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions.You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you.

Now, that was one long description of troisnyx*, but, I admit I have to agree with 91.2% of the statements above. Same goes for my real name - except that there were a few more different points about me, and most of them did hold a mirror up to me.

Je voudrais...

I want to wake up one day, and find out that people all over Malaysia are listening to troisnyx*.

I want to see people sitting hand in hand together, mamak or no mamak, fair or dark, religious or otherwise, pro-government or pro-opposition, and sipping cups of teh tarik together.

I want kids to mingle with each other well, hold hands and peck each other on the cheeks even if their parents have different political alignments.

I want to be pleasantly surprised when I find out that one of the causes of this watershed of unity is the fact that people listen to troisnyx* and other artistes that promote ethnic unity.

I want race-based politics to be put to a full stop.

I want there to be secularism in the government - we're dealing with many people from many different faiths. Follow France’s separation of “laïcité” (secularity) from “foi” (faith) even when she's a predominantly Catholic country, if we have to.

I want Malaysia to rise from her barely significant position on the map and be the superpower in music that she once was.

I want to compose groundbreaking music with absolutely no need for a paper qualification - and it is with this that I can prove music institutions wrong, because you don't need a paper qualification to touch people's hearts all over the world.

I truly want all this.

Someday, I believe I will wake up to all this. And when I do, only then will I say that it's a job well done, and to the Lord I offer all my praise.

I know Yasmin Ahmad woke up to all this when she recounted one of her craziest experiences :

"What did I win?!"
"You won le Grand Prix du Jury!" replied Jackie (Buet).
"Is that a good prize?" I enquired, like the kampung Muar idiot that I was.
"It is the first prize, you crazy woman! Bravo!"

I hope to wake up to that someday.

Just so you'd know...

... and perhaps so none of you readers will ever take offence...

I'm liberal when it comes to many things - politics, interracial/interreligious unions, anything - with the exception of marriage and sexuality. For these two, I follow the Scriptures to the T.

I respect your views (and hey, you're most welcome to spill them all out here), even if they differ from mine - after all, what's humanity without variety...

I put aside my differences.

I read Narin's notes on media representation of (American) society (heck, this could just as well apply everywhere else) and it read - never mind about the grammatical mistakes, if there're any :

Race may determine how one identifies with the nation. We are seen by race first and often judged automatically by that external classification, making it difficult for people that are termed “minority” to change how others initially see them. Racial categories are a mess of descriptive efforts ; assignments are made by linguistics, heritage, cultural affiliation, and biological references. Sometimes, it seems that we, as individuals, especially minorities, identify with what our race is supposed to identify with. Since we are so heavily classified, we just give in and accept that we are being categorised. We forget that race is not an absolute; an individual’s own sense of racial identity can even shift over the course of a lifetime, as can the labels assigned by the government, or by other elements of society. We should not feel forced to identify in a certain way because of racial categories, especially since the society that we feel we need to identify with is constantly changing those categorisations. Minorities’ identification with the nation are contingent on both how they feel others (society) see them and their own ethnic backgrounds (beliefs, values, etc.).

To be honest, I put aside my racial differences a while ago. Biologically, I'm half Punjabi, half Tamil, and I've got some Malayalee descent in me (but that's aside for now). I was never involved in any particular cultural society during my school years because I wanted to be among different people with a particular interest or cause. Heck, when I sang "Toc de Mac" in last year's Indian Cultural Society gathering (because they wanted me to sing), they were disappointed. What I sang would've been celebrated more if there were many different people.

I've never regarded myself as Punjabi or Indian, but when it came to people asking me about my descent I tell them "I'm a mongrel Indian". And in 2005, one year after I began my French classes, I started to have the soul of a French youth (that too, figuratively speaking). I'm not like most of my kind, if I ever do have a group of people I can identify with - I don't fancy Bollywood movies (unless of course, there're good ones around - like Jab We Met for example), I don't understand the buzz behind Priyanka Chopra and Simran and their likes unless I watch Koffee with Karan, and I'm one of the unconventional few who listen to all kinds of music (while the majority would listen to English songs, Malay songs perhaps, and songs of their mother tongue). Despite my descent, I can't speak fluently in any of my mother tongues. I'm grappling with Punjabi (and had I taken it during PMR, I'd have gotten a D !) and trying to make myself understood, whilst for Tamil, I can only put two and two together and understand what people say, I can conjure occasional phrases, but I can't converse. I don't even understand a word of Malayalam.

I don't even care about my descent. And even if dad keeps reminding me to be careful about the risks I take because I'm part of the minority, I don't give a f*. At the end of the day, they're not gonna know troisnyx* for her descent, they're not gonna know her for her origins, but rather, they're gonna know her for her ability to reach out to the marginalised, and to touch people's hearts with her music. Oh, and perhaps her linguistic ability and anything else people want to discover. I am Malaysian, and that's all that matters. And if God forbid, worse comes to worst and I have to leave this place, deep down inside, I'm Malaysian-born, and that's how people will describe me.

An insignificant dot in the midst of a star-studded cast.

Okay, I'm rounding up some people who live around me and/or have some form of connection to me.

Fiona Zuzartee
My family friend and Miss Malaysia Indian Global 2008. (The whole world is soon to know her.)

Jaclyn Victor
One of my friends' cousins and first Malaysian Idol. The entire Southeast Asia knows her and many have grown to love her. Heck, even the entire LimKokWing University (where Narin's in) is hooked to the buzz on Jaclyn because they've been her fans from day one.

Zawanah Zaharen, Sheela Ratnam and their team
They were my schoolmates (but the whole lotta them were from 5B) and they went all the way to Melbourne in the F1 in Schools Championship early last year and they got third placing. Now practically the whole world knows them.

Arthur Kam
DrummerForChrist member and Undiscovered Drummer winner.

Edelin Johanna
Ressonnant member, former classmate and Star of Alam Ria back in the 90's.

Joaan Foo
Ressonnant Inc. trainer for five straight years. Now in the same school Arthur Kam's in. Heck, she even gets to see Caleb Choo and Arthur and all those performing arts prodigies every single day.

And qui est troisnyx* ?
An insignificant dot in the midst of a star-studded cast.

How I wish I could etch my name somewhere, in such a way that it'd be remembered. I really want it to be that when the name troisnyx* is mentioned, they immediately say, "Oh. Yeah. She's that person who touches hearts all over the world. Her music touches me too."

Your questions answered

Up close and personal with TroisNyx*.
In case there are questions you wish to ask about me and my songwriting, I have laid down the most frequently asked questions here.

1. How long have you been singing and playing music ?
Singing ? For as long as I can remember, sans training of course. I started playing the piano when I was three, and I picked up the drums when I was sixteen.

2. Where are you from ?
The heart of all things fast and vibrant, the garden city of lights - Kuala Lumpur ! I was born there, I was raised there, and I would not want to move out of this place. There are just so many things that I love in KL.

3. When did you start writing your own songs ?
If you are talking about the very first song I attempted to write, it was when I was ten. That was in 2001. I wrote this for a young composers' project in Yamaha Music School. After all the prompting, chiding and kicking and screaming, I got a dismal three-star rating from the Yamaha Headquarters. Sad, eh ? It was an instrumental jazz number called Twilight Blues. You can listen to the mp3 at http://virb.com/annettetroisnyxinofficiel

I wrote my first proper song - i.e. 100% my own effort - when I was in Form One and I was twelve. It was supposed to be a passionate love song, and it was in Malay - the song was called Kasih - the lyrics are on my Blogspot page. From the time of writing till now, it has been subject to lots of changes in words, such that I cannot remember what the original lyrics were. Heck, they might have been incinerated by now. All I do know is that the tune and the lyrics for the chorus and the first verse remain with me.

4. How musically involved were you ?
I was quite musically involved, but back in my school days, people knew me as a pianist and an arranger rather than as a vocalist. Back when I was in primary school (I spent my primary and secondary years in Convent Bukit Nanas) I was taken places ! Not only did I perform in school and in choir competitions, I was taken to the Putra World Trade Centre book fair several times for performances, then in 2000, I was taken to Sabah for this talent quest thing. Back then, I performed with teammates Edelin Johanna (you might have heard her name in Alam Ria loooooooooooong ago) and Tee Foong Tsin. We represented KL. We did not win, particularly because the judges were looking for cultural stuff. Nevertheless, we got a rousing reaction from the audience.

When I was in secondary school, there was much less involvement. If it were not for the choir competitions where I went outside KL, I'd have been totally inhibited. People knew I could arrange songs for the school choir and such, and so they asked me to try out songwriting - but I told them I've already started ! I tried my hand in songwriting competitions but before I could even think of participating, the senior assistant would cancel my entry without my consent. The first time where I performed my first song Kasih was in this place called Taman Budaya. It is something like a small auditorium, where competitions for school students are held. A lot of students were there. I performed with another teammate, Zafirah Azman. But that was not for a competition - it was just a show. The only time where I got to take part in a musical competition was in 2007, in school. I teamed up with another friend, Naili Jamal - and we rendered Kris Dayanti's "Menghitung Hari." As she did the lead vocals while I was stuck with the backups, we made a great pair and we became champions. But owing to the fact that she was more well-known than I was, and that people would rather listen to her than listen to me, she took the trophy home.

5. What do you intend to do with your songs ?
Okay. I'd like to do the usual - cut singles, albums, stage gigs and stuff. But ultimately, I want to go international, and I want to touch people's hearts. You might think I'm hinting on going international - partly owing to the amount of French songs I have written to date. *smiles* As for touching people's hearts, I don't want to do it only on stage.

See, I was talking with a friend, whom everyone calls Fad, and he suggested that I sing in the orphanage - these kids and I have something to share. They lost either one or both parents. I lost my mom when I was 17. Perhaps if I can sing to them, and spread the love......

6. Do you have French descent in you ?
Er, no. I may have friends and relatives in France but I don't have French descent. I just happen to like languages, and thus I can speak French fluently. (YouthSayers, I am writing this just in case you were wondering why some of my comments have French words in them - I know three members who are French-speakers - TPK, Neo and crax. And sometimes, putting words in English is hard.)

7. Which would you rather do : sing, dance, play the piano or play the drums ?
Any one of these options would do. But honestly, should there be a drum kit around, I'd try to grab an opportunity to play the drums. And that rule always applies.

8. What are your tastes in music ?
Be prepared for some names which you might not have heard before.
Alizée, Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, TVXQ, Westlife, David Archuleta, Mylène Farmer, Enya, Siti Nurhaliza, Taylor Swift, Evanescence (only their latest album The Open Door).

My favourite composers are Andrew Lloyd Webber, Laurent Boutonnat, Jean-Phillipe Pilot, Nobuo Uematsu (known for his Final Fantasy works), Yoko Shimomura and Kaoru Wada (key composers for the Kingdom Hearts series).

9. Why do you not have any songs in audio yet ? We want to hear you sing !
I wish I could put it all in audio. But right now I want to concentrate on finishing my A-Levels. Although sometimes, I could just sit in lonely corners, sing, and be the person I want to be.