Save the cheerleader, save the world.

And no, I'm not talking about the cheerleader from Heroes, the television series.

Never mind about the cliché that being in ICU is depressing. Well, yes, it is. Being in hospital, and mostly under intensive care for more than two months, is dead depressing. The condition actually worsens when you are in HDU.

Ironically enough, the high dependency unit, despite being a less severe, downgraded version of the ICU, reports more deaths than the ICU. This happens especially when you're in General Hospital. And now, mom is in HDU, and she sees more people dying and being led out with black shrouds - now, any youth like me would have macabre thoughts. Thing is, I actually did witness someone dying. She was in the bed right in front of us. Her heart rate was 50-something earlier (within the ECG range, that would have been sinus bradycardia - athlete's rate) but later, it kept on going down. The doctors attended to her, gave her all the heart stimulants they could give - and used up all the ten bottles. It couldn't be helped. She was at the terminal stage already. I saw the curtains being closed. Several doctors and nurses were actually crowding round the patient, pressing on her chest, getting the Heartstart machine ready... shocking her, getting her up... I don't know what happened after that because I had to heed nature's call. But by the time I actually came back, the curtain was still closed, her IntelliVue unit was off, and she looked as if she was sleeping, enshrouded in a white cloth (only the face was not covered).

One moment, she was there, the next, she was gone.
How fragile life can be !

At the moment that person's family members came, an eerie weeping sound filled the HDU. I knew, at that time, what mom had endured all this while while she was in HDU. Dad and I stood by her. I couldn't help but cry - weeping was contagious.

In the HDU, you need a cheerleader. I am one. I don't cheer with poms - they are too bulky to be brought in anyway. I only have a heart that sighs all the time. Team cheerleaders pray and cheer their team on, so that they could win. I only yearn to bring mom back home in perfect shape. Oh, and treat her to the banana split and stuff. Team cheerleaders have a wide space to perform, with screaming fans to back them up. Here in the HDU, I have no one except Dad and Narin. Oh, and the Sunset Band (who are keeping mom in their prayers), and the occasional visits from our friends and relatives. The worst team cheerleaders can ever expect would be for a member to fall and break a limb. Here, the worst we can expect - oh, please do not get me started. Worse still, we are faced with the fact that there are serious evildoers in our family, so close-knit that none of us actually knew until Dad started getting revelations after his prayers. And those evildoers are the people who actually claim to be saints.

Just to add a hint to this, I lost my siblings Anselina and Anton to those evil people.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to be saved. Today I actually cried in the HDU. It's been more than two months and mom is still there. I wish I could hug her. Not wanting all the bacteria to spread, I can't have close contact - the most I can do is hold her hand, or massage her calves. I can't even kiss her forehead. And sometimes, when I'm so depressed, I cry myself to sleep. Whilst I called Uncle Luques the other day, I was crying. I couldn't bear this anymore. I felt as though my entire world was crumbling from beneath my feet. I lost my zest for practice - I hardly go on the keys, or on the drums now, because the one person who always listened to me is now in hospital. And the only time I actually do sing is when I'm in church.

Save the cheerleader, save the world.