The e-mail has wings

Yellow for me, magenta for Shing. And here comes the melodramatic story of today. Now, I reckon that some people may get fed up with me for mentioning this many a time... but sometimes, emotions have to be emphasised.

shing says:
hey!
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
hey.whatcha been up to ?
shing says:
nothing much, got my piano results
how're you!
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
I dunno. A little better I guess. But I'm still lonely
how were your results ?=)
wei

* You have just sent a nudge.*

shing says:
haha merit!
its alright lah
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Wait, what grade again ? 7 ?
shing says:
people like you get distinction easily! no? :D
haha yeah
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Okay. Er, to a certain extent, you were right
I did get distinction when I was in Grade 7 - but what of it anyway ?
The person with whom I share that passion for music is GONE
shing says:
hahaha ure talented really (: hun. don't worry bout it. I'm sure she's watching you from up there(: tog with God of course.
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Mm..... /swt
shing says:
don't you swt me -.-
hahaha. so what have u been up to
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Er. Created a lyrics blog. Had Business Studies mocks today
Then....Still brooding over my mom's loss
Then
Started crying when I saw Wednesday's StarTwo
I reckon you know why.

* You have just sent a nudge.*

shing says:
why?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
I YEARNED to play that well ever since I was a kid. Someone else gets the chance. Someone else gets to celebrate. Not saying that he shouldn't get it - he deserves it, that talented young chap. But I yearned and prayed for that chance as long as I can remember
And I'm talking about Wednesday's StarTwo feature.

Then Shing went offline.

Got the message ?
shing says:
no
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Okay, lemme resend it :
I YEARNED to play that well ever since I was a kid. Someone else gets the chance. Someone else gets to celebrate. Not saying that he shouldn't get it - he deserves it, that talented young chap. But I yearned and prayed for that chance as long as I can remember
And I'm talking about Wednesday's StarTwo feature.
shing says:
ohhhaha I thought it was u
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
dammit, no. Who would wanna look at me
shing says:
lol nonsense
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
...... oh please, for all that talent, I was always marginalised in school. People would listen to the other girl across the block - anyone else but meI don't know why.But it always happened- such that one day it became an extreme.The 1000-strong crowd gave me no applause when I performed one day in schoolBut all the rest had standing ovation
And all my attempts to do songwriting in school were cut short by the co-cu senior assistant, and for the talent quest, my partner took the trophy home.Now you understand how much I YEARNED to do something really well - so that I'd have something to be proud of. Like drums for instance.
Now someone takes that away from me too :'(

* You have just sent a nudge.*

shing says:
I'm reading!
why are u crying?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Read on
So. What would you say.

(Omitted text)

troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
I didn't get the due appreciation for the things I was capable of doing, while I was in school. I wanted to do something well - musically of course - so I could have something to be proud of.But now I can't. :'(
shing says:
WHY
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Who'll ever listen to me.The only person who would always listen to me willingly is not there. And I'm alone fighting against a stronghold of thousands of people who don't wanna listen to me
If mom were there, she'd have supported me.
shing says:
nonsense. hey!
says who no one listens to you
are u alright?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Do I even sound alright ?
No one wants to listen to me at home !
shing says:
daddy?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
So I have to lock myself up when I'm drumming, or singing. Dad's hardly even around at home
So I only have my grandparents and my cousin
shing says:
oh...grandparents?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Oh puhleeze, they'd rather shut themselves up in the room and have a good chat. They can't really hear what I'm playing anyway
I wanted a chance to shine. Someone else is.
Or rather, many other people my age are.Think how that thought just destroys me every day
shing says:
awwh dont be discouraged hun.
ur friends at school?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Good Lord, not a single one of them !

(Omitted text)

shing says:
wow. but ure good too
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
What the hell.
What's the point of being good
No one even appreciates the fact that I'm here
except perhaps, a select few - but that's all
I'm just insignificant. I hate being a genius trapped in an insignificant girl's body
Because no one recognises me, in the end
shing says:
hunnnnnnnnnny
what's wrong with you... why are u feeling like that
maybe you can ask Ms Susan to recommend you
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
I don't even know......I know it's depressing. But I wished I could have a chance to shine somewhere
I wish I could do something to be proud of
See, that Wednesday article made me CRY to high heaven.
shing says:
awww. maybe ure still going through a phase.
what are u studying?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Doing A-Levels. I'm taken away from my tracks and I'm preparing to become a lawyer.
See, this thing didn't just come out suddenly. I wanted to break into the music industry for a long time.
'I can tell a phase from permanence
shing says:
noooo
why not pursue in music?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
What's the point ? That chance is already gone. ICOM takes SPM leavers and I'm soon going to be post-A-Levels. And then, for the sake of a professional qualification as it were, I'd have to get that law degree.
I wouldn't even be allowed to set foot in ICOM - I discussed with my parents about it mid-last yearI guess that rule has already been set in stone now that she's gone
shing says:
ever prayed bout it?
troisnyx* se lèvera. says:
Yeah. I prayed for a chance.
But it looks like the courtroom is where I'm headed to. A fitting end to a melodramatic story.
I'm really losing hope now.

Then Shing went offline again, and I doubt she will ever come online after hearing my depressing rant.

Truth be told, the only needs I have in mind are esteem needs and self-actualisation needs. Do not be surprised because I am putting Maslow's theory of motivation here. I had my Business mocks but I never could see why I needed it. Perhaps, for expansion and promotion and pricing strategies, but well......

Bloody f*, I am depressed.

I know that this conversation may make me sound like an idiot to some, but this is art : everyone criticises, no one understands. Or, to be more accurate, hardly anyone understands. Had that talent been tapped in me a long time ago, I'd have gone international by age sixteen - and that is one of those things I yearn to do. I'm not asking for much. I'm only asking for appraisal. Money will not comfort me, although it is a compulsory thing to deliver as fulfillment of the contract Imm bound to write. Someone else has a recording contract, someone else gets to go international, someone else bonds with close friends or siblings through music, someone else gets to touch people's hearts at age seventeen.
Why not me ?

And yes, I hate being a musical whiz trapped in the body of an insignificant girl. I want to break free !