[today, the heartbeat continues.]

troisnyx*: I was enthralled by Uncle Cyril's playing. Especially the recessional. I don't know....... It's like, something just hit me.
Daniel C: Yeah. Me too. I can tell, he plays from the heart. Even a normal beat sounds nice when he does it.
troisnyx*: Surely. But you know what ? Sometimes I find it difficult to follow my heart.
Daniel C: It's okay. I understand how you feel.

I was playing with the rest of the Sunset Band last night and again, it was T-shirt week : all of us got into our "uniforms" and got back to business. Uncle Cyril was back again (after being absent on Ascension Sunset Mass - he came for the Thursday mass instead), and I told myself to get ready to cry. After all, other than Daniel C, Uncle Raymund, Aunty Sharm and Uncle Luques, I did not tell anyone about the fact that I am a pianist, with the heart and soul of a drummer.

This time, after mass, and after reaching home, I did not cry. Instead, I felt like something actually hit me. Something was burning. I did not have the heart to tell anyone, except my first love - Jesus. I kept on feeling that some beat was going on, but I could not make it out. So when I talked to Daniel C, I told him, sometimes, I find it difficult to follow my heart - in most occasions, my heart pounds out a rhythm which my hands and feet cannot follow.

So today, after my vehicle maintenance class I returned, and tried my 16-beat (for starters, it is a faster version of the 8-beat - the basic rhythm, but to be done in the same timing). I knew, as I was pounding on the drums, I had to go through all these days, months - and perhaps years - before I can ever manage to beat out what my heart says.

Uncle Cyril called in the evening and told me he had just received the message I sent him. I actually told him he rocked. I loved the recessional - and the fill.

Daniel, later, got a DVD from his brother - it featured this huge gig where drummers of all kinds get to play in this big event. Now Daniel was impressed with their fast hands and legs. As for me, fast hands and legs had already brought me to tears long before my teenage years. Two of my second cousins, Oliver and Aaron, are drummers. And good ones, too. I often see Aaron in Holy Spirit Cathedral in Penang and I wonder how long it actually took him to be a superb drummer. Oh, and in case you have not read the earlier posts, or you do not have the time and space to read them - his playing brought me to tears many times. His playing led me to pluck up the courage to tell mom, "Ma, I have a passion for drums." His playing made me keep on persisting.......

Today, the heartbeat continues. Today is just another passing day........ within another fleeting dream. And I thank Jesus for seeing me through.