Honk (if you're a Malaysian driver) : The Ten Most Annoying Types of Drivers (Online essay for YouthEcho)

Somewhere in 1999, in Readers’ Digest, we were ranked sixth out of twelve Asian nations when concerning safe driving. Yes, somewhere in the middle, I’d say. Now, nine years have passed and I don’t see any significant change in this trend (except for the fact that everyone has began to drive slowly due to the fuel price hike). Right now I have my learner’s licence and the test is somewhere in the middle of next month. I have already begun to hit the road, and I have made an assessment of the ten types of drivers we hate the most. On Malaysian roads, that is. And no, I am not a Puritan. I have my share of errors too.

#1: The driver who parks in the middle of the road.
Not sure if we see this in suburbs, but in places like Kuala Lumpur, Johor Bahru, Penang and Petaling Jaya, we see far too many errant people who slow down their cars, *screech !* and finally… come to a stop outside the parking line, blocking all the cars at the back. If you’re sitting in the mamak stall while there’s a car parked in the middle of the road, be prepared for a racket and an unpleasant dining experience.

#2: The driver who switches lanes without indicating.
Okay, so you drive coolly on the road while some Perodua Kembara suddenly blocks your way and you say “Bloody cow!” Have these people actually forgotten what they have learnt in driving school? Whenever you turn, turn with the relevant indicator ? There isn’t a single yellow light flashing on that blasted Kembara and your entire day is spoilt.

#3: The driver who indicates left, but keeps right, and turns at the last moment.
I had this experience while driving today. There was this big 4X4 somewhere on the right side of the road, and it didn’t really matter to me. I put on my left signal before turning. And lo, before I knew it, the stupid 4X4 was right in front of me ! I was pissed ; but not wanting to say anything, I just looked at my instructor for an instant and both of us were shaking our heads in disbelief.

#4: The driver who drives with the hazard lights on during a storm.
Now, even if the traffic reporters on Hitz.FM, Lite FM and such remind us repeatedly, “PLEASE, do not turn on your hazard lights,” there’ll still be a few who… I don’t know, are they stubborn ? – these few people would not hesitate to flash their hazard lights because they think they cannot be seen by the people behind them. Please lah, we can see you.

#5: The driver who changes the gear without pressing the clutch.
Okay, so manual cars work magic too – we actually created a new rule ! We need not press the clutch when switching from second gear to third gear. *laughs* This is typical of many drivers with learners’ licences or probationary licences. Oh, for the fact that I’m mentioning it, I’m guilty of it too.

#6: The driver who drives with high beam when there’s a car in front of him.
Blimey, I’ve seen lots ! Going to and from the centre of KL, I’ve been blinded by high beams many a time. The next thing I do is say, “You want high beam ? Nah !” and then, I switch on the high beam… and the next moment, the cars who menaced the road automatically vanish.

#7: The innocent victim whose bumper/door/car mirror is hit by another errant driver.
Or a motorcyclist, for that matter. Several drivers have actually paid through their teeth for fixing the side mirrors, bumpers and such because motorists hit them, either deliberately or by accident. But the worst case I ever went through was the door. I was in my little parking spot within my little white lines; the moment I opened the door, some lorry drove past… and rammed the outer metal of my door, twisting it. I had to drive home with the door open for the entire day !

#8: The driver who does not hesitate to run the red lights.
Aren’t many of us guilty of running the red lights ? I could probably sympathise with the drivers who are in a rush and need to go to the hospital, or to work, etc., etc., etc. and they are late. But whatever the motive, I marvel at how oblivious they are to the CCTV cameras placed all over the spot when they run the red lights. Better still, they don’t get caught at all.

#9: The driver who begs the policeman to settle the case with a dismal amount of money.
Okay, so somewhere along the line these errant drivers get caught red-handed by the police. I don’t know if they actually do have RM300 in hand, but many of us would want to economise, and thus we may even beg the policeman to settle it with RM50 duit kopi. The next moment, he gladly accepts it and lets us go our way. Many of us, if put in that situation, would mumble, criticising the policeman for his dishonesty. But who was dishonest in the first place lah ?

#10: The “hip” driver who winds down the window and blasts the noise – erm, music – to let others listen to what he is listening to.
For the most part, I would call it noise. Okay, if there were a thumping bass drum in the song, I would listen carefully to see if it were a good dance track. If there were good chords, good drumbeats, good riffs, I’d probably listen to it too. Otherwise, if it were something like T-Pain, Chingy etc., or plain cacophony, I would turn my head away in disgust. To that brood of drivers, please lah, wind up the window and turn the volume down; your cup of tea isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.