[dengarlah suara semangat waja]

Dad and I were stuck in the KL Sentral railway station, waiting for Narin to come. More than half an hour had passed, and by the time she came, it was ten minutes to six.

We arrived in church at six, only to hear the priest and the congregation say "I confess to Almighty God........" I knew I was late.

I started to despair. Could life get any worse than this ?

Thing is, I didn't attend sunset mass for four consecutive weeks due to dad's work. It was almost always Sunday morning mass. Only because today, the Sunset Band was helping out with another worship team, God's Gentle Garden, which was lacking members, I decided to join them for mass. Dad came back late last night - or early this morning - at 1:00 a.m. so I thought I'd give him a rest too.

Anyway. Back to where I was. I was despairing. I had already come late, the seats for the singers were full, the synth was off and I had no part to play ! I felt quite bitter that I couldn't concentrate in the first reading (the leader of God's Gentle Garden, Fred, was so kind to pass me a chair).

Then, I heard the second reading. It was very familiar : it came from the Acts of the Apostles. I did that book, along with the Gospel of St Luke, for SPM Bible Knowledge. I listened attentively. It was about St Paul, and how he told his story : he was walking with an order in writing to capture the early Christians and persecute them (by persecuting, I mean torturing and killing). At that moment in time, he was making his way to Damascus. Then a bright light shone on him, and he was overcome by it that he fell to the ground. A voice called out to him. And Paul said :

Paul : Who are you ?
Jesus : I am Jesus, whom you persecute.

And Jesus told him to go to the city of Damascus, where he would later receive orders from a man named Ananias. He was blinded by that bright light that people had to take him by the hand. Consequently, when Paul was finally taken to Damascus, he met Ananias. Ananias, who was a man of God, touched Paul's eyes, and a film-like material, like fish scales, fell off his eyes, and he could see again.

Immediately with that miracle, Paul understood that God had called him, of all people, a murderer and persecutor of God's faithful, to turn over a new leaf and preach the Good News ! And so Paul did, trusting in God every step of the way, and it was with God's grace that he continued his work and that he had an honest maintenance. And everyone, from Jerusalem right up to Rome, was astounded and awestruck at the change of heart in Paul. The thing about Paul is that before all this happened, he caught, bound, tortured, killed, and witnessed the deaths of the early Christians by the thousands. If God saw a redeeming factor in Paul and made him His chosen servant, He can do the same in us.

This thought me one thing : God calls everyone by name - you and me, for a purpose, and no matter how sinful we are, He still loves us and wants to use us for His glory. And thus, we should trust in God, even in the midst of despair.

So I did. I did my best to clear my mind. And when the bread and wine were being offered up on the altar (we believe it is the sacramental presence of the Body and Blood of Christ), I felt rather calm.

Would you believe it, the next moment, instead of not having a part to play in the worship team, I played four hymns in a row !

I was overjoyed. And so I did, just as I would do in any worship team : I played with all my heart. I gave my all for Him. I know the people in God's Gentle Garden were very impressed with my playing back there, and they even complimented me and all, but this is not really my doing. It's God's. I trusted in Him. And He made my day. I came out of church, all smiles - it was a job well done on everyone's part. :)

Thank you, Lord. Incomplete as my love is, I love You.

P.S. "Dengarlah suara semangat waja" translates loosely to "So hear our song sung with spirits strong" - these are part of the lyrics of my school song.