Alone.

Moi je m'en moque, j'envoie valser......

I've been singing Zazie's song "J'envoie valser" for the past few days already. And it seems that I haven't got bored of it. Perhaps it's because of the song itself : from listening to the lyrics, I know someone loves me and locks that love inside my heart.

It's just.......

...now, I don't get a trace of that love.

Most people around me know about my predicament. The people who examined me for the C1 are soon to know. I feel so blah. Just blah. My heart feels so heavy. Thirty-two hours of Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix + (i.e. since Friday afternoon ; try counting the average) managed to cheer me up a little, but that's all none, in the end.

While sleeping alone this afternoon, I was hoping that someday, someone would take me by the hand and share the gift of rhythm with me. Like how mom used to, when she corrected and took pride in my drumbeats for the few instances when she heard me.

I'm alone.

I have no one. Only You, Lord.

But things seem so silent. Too silent for me to even live.

They say "if winter comes, spring can't be far behind." But all I'm seeing is winter. No sign of the first flower. No heat. No rain. No sunlight. Just depression. When will that joy ever return to me ? It probably wouldn't, ever. Here I am, stuck with the fact that mom's soul isn't at peace yet, and she's yet to go into the presence of God.