They excluded me from the performers' list for prom night.

No, don't retaliate. Maybe it's best if I suffer in silence, again.........

Well it all started when I missed yesterday's audition. For starters, I didn't even know about it. When Kimberly Tey called me, she told me the rest of them actually figured it out for themselves, and that the notice for the audition was pinned up on the noticeboard.

When was it pinned up on the noticeboard, anyway ?

Saturday ?

Sunday ?

Monday ?

or God forbid, Tuesday ?

Either way, I wasn't even in college. And if you ask why I wasn't in college, I'm not one of those people who hang out in college till His kingdom come. I have a life to live. I have mouths to feed - my grandparents' mouths. My dad's now in China. And if you expect me to go out for long hours finding out about the audition, then they'll be worried, they'll phone dad, and when dad comes back I'll be grounded. No one had the decency to call and tell me when they knew I wouldn't be in college for those days. No one. And after the previous audition (which was on the 5th of November), I had not been given any indication that there would be a new audition.

If you're reading this post, Kim, Lei, I'm utterly disappointed with what you guys did. For your lack of courtesy, don't even expect me for the next Prom Nights. Only coersion will get me there. Everyone wanted to see a video of me performing. It's because of your lack of courtesy that now, not only do I fail to live up to their expectations, but I also fail to live up to mine.

I bet you wouldn't know how I sat up till 3:00 AM almost everyday, trying my very best to pen my own song - something that'll wow the audience and make them know, "Wow. This is troisnyx*." And when the song was done, I was very proud of it. I wanted to share this with the people around me. But now, this chance has been snatched away from me. And now it's too late for you or for me to do anything, because those others who have been selected get their chance.

You left another eternal wound in my heart. Thank you.

Friends, this is precisely how I lost my chances for several performances back in high school - people cutting my name off the list without my knowledge, and finally telling me that they're cutting me off. It's been the same for the past six years. All this while I dared not retaliate, for fear that worse things would happen. Now, should I retaliate, or should I suffer in silence again ? I've had enough of suffering in silence for not being able to stage a performance, especially if it's bound to involve one of my songs. I'm not settling to reality TV because I'm not going to be judged for the way I look - I want to be judged for what I can do, which I know I can do well. Only God - and Kimberly Monteiro - know the tears I'm shedding now.

Lucky gal, Adoravelle, you're not here. If I could fly away to anyplace in the world, just like you, I wouldn't have to face this heartbreak anymore. And for those of you who patiently endured my wailing and swearing on MSN....... I truly thank you for being really good friends.