Some things to ponder upon

Here are the things that I thought of on the day of mom's funeral.

How even Chrishandra and I are.
Chrishandra loves music, is preparing to be a lawyer, and has lost a parent. Just like me. The only difference is that I've known mom as a loving person for seventeen years (unlike her six years, according to her).

Why the first hymn mom sang to me as a baby was "Softly and Tenderly" (the same song was played at her funeral).
Having had close brushes with death several times, she knew how it felt, and thus, the very first hymn mom sang to me when I was a baby was "Softly and Tenderly." I heard, one or two days before her death, she was drawing something on one of the papers : something like an eye, and after that, was heaven. I didn't know that she was indicating the way she was going to die. Neither did dad.

How Shima must have felt.
Shima lost her mom to cancer when she was seventeen. Last year.

How timely YourSpins put on Dario Boente's remix of "My Life has Value."
Truth be told, my maternal grandpa was just sitting in his living room, left alone with his toaster and his TV (what a coincidence !) while mom was suffering. The only time he came to KL was today - for mom's funeral. She was (and is) a human being, Goddammit ! But her parents treated her as if her life had no value at all. (Yes, I believe now that you can see clues coming.)

Why mom wrote the words "you only have each other" without including herself.
Perhaps she must have felt that her end was coming... Yes, she actually indicated that it was only dad and me, and that her parents wouldn't be there anymore. After all, she couldn't even trust her own parents. Why this has happened, only God knows. All the same, she kept on smiling, and wanting to come back with us. Just a clue so that you'll start picking up pieces of the story : the doctors still don't understand why a person as young as 47 would need so much of oxygen to survive, and not even recover.

How useless faith can be sometimes.
Dad and I had faith that mom would return, and we kept encouraging her, giving her the best, and even if we were physically tired, we never got tired of her. Primarily because we love her, and also because we believed, that with all those signs that she would get better, she would be well enough to return home.

Daniel Kermorvant, if you do read this part of the story, let me tell you this : in 2004, when I was about to sit for my A1 and A2, you told me that confidence is necessary. Perhaps, overconfidence. We were confident that mom would come back - she never came back to us. Instead, she was taken away from us forever. I hope this'll teach you a lesson - that in many cases, things are uncertain. Petra once told me that life is uncertain, but death is certain.

How I will miss mom's pie.
Enough said.

I just want to drift away.

Vue de ciel, la vie est belle...